Dealing with Problematic Attendees
- J
As the GrommOff organizer, you have the discretion to disinvite anyone from your events based on any past behavior at events that made another attendee feel unsafe. This is only for demonstrated behavior, not reputation or word of mouth.
Criteria for Disinviting
There are three key criteria for disinviting someone to GrommOffs and all three must be met for disinvitation to be warranted.
The key criteria for disinviting someone are:
1. Their behavior violated the ground rules
Any behavior at an event that violates one of the five ground rules can result in disinvitation. In most circumstances, a warning or boundary should be used first before resorting to disinvitation. However in more extreme circumstances, such as physical assault or using a racial epithet, a member should be disinvited on first offense.
A member cannot be disinvited for subjective attributes or personal history that is not related to the ground rules. For example, while it’s understandable that some attendees might not want to have someone around who makes them feel awkward or someone they have a personal disagreement with, such situations don’t warrant disinvitation.
2. The behavior happened at a gathering
It is important to focus on demonstrated behavior at a gathering as grounds for considering disinvitation.
Past bad behavior that may have happened on Grommr, in a private conversation or even while meeting up in person shouldn’t be used to consider whether to disinvite someone, except in the most extreme circumstances. If you believe a particular situation warrants this consideration and that the presence of this member would make others unsafe, please reach out to the GrommOff account on Grommr to discuss.
As a reminder: Those who have been removed from Grommr for bad behavior are automatically disinvited from all Grommr gatherings.
3. Their behavior is reported first-hand
The demonstrated behavior should be something that is either reported to you by the person who experienced it or witnessed by you, the organizer. As a rule, we try not to rely on second-hand accounts from others, as they may not know the specific circumstances around it.
If an attendee reports behavior they witnessed or heard about, but did not directly experience, we encourage you to reach out to the member(s) who was directly involved and hear what happened from them. If their account demonstrated a ground rule was violated, then you have a first-hand report and can proceed with either warning or disinviting the violator.
Warning and Disinvitation Protocol
As explained above, in many circumstances it is appropriate to give an attendee a warning first before disinviting them–however in more extreme circumstances, a disinvitation may be warranted upon first offense.
Once an attendee has been disinvited, please notify the GrommOff account on Grommr so that we can block that member and prevent them from receiving messages about future GrommOffs.
When delivering a warning, the facts should be made as clearly as possible, defining the offending behavior and providing simple suggestions for moving forward. Please avoid any euphemisms as well as any verbiage that minimizes the effect of their actions–this can cause a lack of clarity and increase the chances of re-offense.
In the message template below, we’ve provided some language specific to a member violating a particular ground rule that both calls out the specific behavior displayed by the member, as well as offers some advice on how to avoid receiving a disinvitation message in the future. Please make sure to adjust that language to the specific situation you’ve encountered.
Hello [name],
I’m writing to let you know that we received a complaint from an attendee about a ground rule violation at a recent GrommOff. As you know, we have some ground rules for all GrommOffs, which you can see posted here.
In this particular instance, it seems you touched this individual without first asking for consent, and the touch made them feel uncomfortable.
Please take some time to reacquaint yourself with the GrommOff ground rules and at any future events, be sure to ask for consent before touching another attendee. A simple “May I rub your belly?”, for example, is perfectly sufficient. Anything other than a clear yes should be interpreted as a no, including if the person you asked is hesitant or avoids answering. Once you receive a non-yes answer, don’t ask again.
We hope this makes sense. Please know that future incidences of touching without consent may result in your disinvitation from future GrommOffs, which obviously none of us want.
We look forward to seeing you again sometime soon.
In the event that a member does not stop their behavior, we have this template below to inform them that they have been disinvited to future GrommOffs. You’ll again need to adjust the language to address the specific situation you’ve encountered.
Hello [name],
I’m writing to let you know that we received another complaint from an attendee about touching without consent at a recent GrommOff. As this is the second time this has happened and we had given a warning after the first, we’ve made the difficult decision to disinvite you from future GrommOffs.
What this means for you:
Unfortunately, this means you are not welcome to join any GrommOffs in the future, including GrommOffs held in public places, like bars or parks. This has no impact on your Grommr profile nor your ability to meet up with other Grommr members on your own, this only applies to GrommOffs.
If you attempt to join any GrommOff in the future, it may result in actions against your Grommr profile, including temporary suspension or permanent removal. Obviously no one wants that, so we hope you’ll respect this boundary and avoid attending GrommOffs in the future.
If you are uncomfortable delivering a warning or a disinvitation to an attendee, you may contact the GrommOff account on Grommr along with the text you would like to send and we will send it on your behalf.
When Disinvited Member Shows Up
We have not yet had the problem of a disinvited member showing up at a GrommOff, however, in the event that they do, let us know immediately via the GrommOff account on Grommr.
While at the event, you may remind the disinvited individual that their behavior will have an impact on their Grommr account and may result in a permanent ban from Grommr. Factors like whether they leave quickly or stay and argue will be considered when determining how their Grommr profile will be affected.
While we hope that it will never come to it, if at any point you feel that their presence is jeopardizing the safety of attendees, do not hesitate to call the police for assistance.
Once our admins have had the chance to review the facts of the situation, they will make a determination: Likely either the temporary suspension of their Grommr profile, or the removal of their Grommr profile and a permanent ban from the Grommr community.