April 1, 2022: We're excited to announce that Grokio is partnering with 23andMe and to provide genomic-based advice to get you to your weight-gain goals: We call it 423andMe.
Our Grokio Labs technicians analyze your DNA, look for signifiers that helped your ancestors pack on the pounds, then provide custom advice to optimize your gains (spoiler alert: it's mostly carbs and butter).
Caption: It all starts with our patented Drool Collection Kit.
How does it work?
First, we'll collect a drool sample from you. We suggest having someone wave a cheeseburger in front of your face until you start drooling like a butterball cartoon character--then capture some of that greasy drool in the trough we provide and mail your Drool Collection Kit into Grokio Labs.
...
To sign up, please send an e-mail to 423andmeisnotreal@grokiolabs.com
Caption: A Grokio Labs technician works on breakthrough technology that allows Grommr members to become so fat, they can break through walls like the Kool-Aid man.
*We reserve the right to use your DNA to create any of the following: Fat clones; thin clones; thin clones who become fat clones; clones that say things like "Live, laugh, lunch"; ice cream clones; clones that are only capable of metabolizing "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray"; clones of clones; clones of those clones; oh God, we've made so many clones, what have we done?!?!; George Cloney.